Dear sister, no doubt we all are falling short and are looking for ways to correct our selves or to attain the Pleasure of Allah by doing deeds which maybe rare or not known to people. However, the best way to come closer to Allah is how He Himself has told us to follow inorder to attain closeness to him. I will mention few verses from the Quran and narrations of the Prophet of Allah to see that path he showed us to take.

Deeds most beloved to Allah:

·         on the authority of Abu Hurairah, who said: the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said;

Allah the Almighty has said: Whosoever shows enmity to a friend of Mine, l shall be at war with him. My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have imposed upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supergatory worsk so that  I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. [related by Bukhari]

Your long seculsion from husband to speak to Allah: (no need to do that because Allah hears all people whereever you are):

·         Allah says in the Quran: And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.[2:186]

·        Allah says in another place: And indeed We have created man, and We know what his ownself whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by Our Knowledge[50:16]

·         On the authority of Ayesha that three men came to see the messenger of Allah but he was not home so they stayed waiting for him. One of them said; “i will never marry”, the other one said; “i will never sleep and remain awake at nights” and the last one said; “i will keep fasting all year and never eat”. When the prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) heard them saying this his face changed due to anger and said; “im the most God fearing amongst you yet i marry women, i pray and sleep at night and i fast and eat. This is my sunnah (path) and whosoever does not take this is not from me”.

·         The messenger of Allah said, “the most closest place a servant could be to his Lord when he is in sujood (during prayer)” as mentioned by Allah in the Quran; “fall prostate and draw near to Allah [96: 19]

Islam has never differentiated between men or women except in some matters such as men are obligated to fight jihad, make adhan, pray salat in congregation, run the khilafah etc and women have to do house work (look after the kids, his wealth etc) or help him fulfil his daily tasks etc. But the freedom is there for both genders. The issue however, is not about freedom and how to excercise it, rather the issue is, using this freedom alongside fulfilling your imediate obligations which Allah has laid upon you such as fulfilling the needs of your husband as the messenger of Allah said;

·         Reported by Aisha that, "a woman came to ask the prophet about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, ‘do you have a husband?' she said ‘yes'. He asked her,' how are you with him?' she said, 'I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.' He said, ‘pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your paradise and your hell.'" Reported by Ahmed and Nisaa'e

·         The prophet said, "if a woman prays her 5 daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her; ‘enter paradise through whichever of its gates you wish'" reported by Ahmed and Tibraani

·         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah that the prophet said, "if a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning." Agreed upon.

·         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah that the prophet said, "By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her, until the husband is pleased with her once more" reported by Muslim

·         The prophet said "if a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel (i-e very busy)." Reported by Al-Bazzar

This however does not mean that you are his slave or anything because a wife has equal rights upon her husband just as he has upon her, but his rights are a degree more then yours. So, you need to make sure that you are not absent from him without his permission because that would lead to many wrong assumptions by him which could be natural such as “she maybe with another man” and these doubts will lead to trials and unnecessary harm within your relationship.

No one is stopping you in speaking to Allah, but they way you are going about it is not something recommended by Allah nor His messenger so infact this act is contrary to the Pleasure of Allah. You can instead wakeup in the last part of the nights where people are usually asleep and then you will have no one to disturb you, rather this particular prayer as mentioned by the messenger of Allah saying;

“the most beloved prayer to Allah after the 5 obligatory prayers are the night prayers (tahajjud)”

So if you seek seculsion then this is your time to do so.

And as it has been mentioned in another hadith that;

“Allah descends in the last part of the night saying; who is there seeking Me so i can respond to him? Who is there seeking my forgiveness so I can forgive him”

This is a very great narration for people like you who love to speak to Allah and want His assistance. So this is my advice to you  and i hope it was benefical.